February Trenches- PoV

Move over Jersey Shore Mike, there is a new “Situation” in town.

I’m talking about my Christmas gift from my boyfriend John, a Wii Fit. It seemed harmless enough, this little unassuming white board, all clean and innocent. I was super excited about it. I had seen the ads of the slim, athletic people having fun and playing games, all while getting fit! That could be me too!

“Welcome!” the game says, dripping with sweetness, “Let’s get started!” I step on the balance board, ready to start my new fit life. “Hold still please.” Are you kidding me? I find myself talking back to the machine, arguing that I could be mistaken for a statue.

It then measures my weight and calculates my body mass index. Oh boy. I’m not going to share that with you, but let’s just say it then decided to make my Mii character a little more plump than I had originally decided it should be!

The Wii Fit then puts you through balance and mental tests to find your Wii Fit age. Well, I was born in 1980, but according to my new fit-making friend, I am 39 years old. Guess I need to adjust the number of candles on that next cake!

The supposed fun part of the Wii Fit is that you check in everyday and it measures you and lets you know how much closer you are to your goal with a congratulatory confetti shower. Or...you are left standing in the middle of your living room trying to make excuses for the 5.5 pounds you seemed to have gained between Christmas and the new year. My former friend makes you stand there in shame and choose an option that may have led to your weight gain. “Overindulge?” Yes. “Too much sitting around?” Yes. Is there an “all of the above” option I can pick and just get this over with?

Overall, I love my new present and forever fit friend. Just don’t ask too many questions if you come over and find me arguing with it. “These clothes do so weigh 7 pounds! I know I didn’t gain that much, all I ate today was king cake!”